Abusive Relationship – How to Recognize it

Unfortunately, abusive relationships are all too common in today’s society. It is very possible that you know of someone or you yourself are stuck in this bad situation.

Sometimes the person involved is too close to the situation to recognize that they are in an abusive relationship. What makes it even harder is that there many different forms of abuse in a relationship. Physical abuse is easier to recognize since the signs are obvious. However, emotional and physical abuses are equally destructive in a relationship. It may take a long time to heal completely and in some cases impossible without seeking professional therapy.

The problem is compounded by the fact that almost all relationships start well. No one knowingly gets involved in an abusive relationship. The gradual and small changes lead to a destructive situation.

The victim in the relationship is subjected to abuse, especially the emotional kind over such a long time that she/he begins to accept it as normal behavior. The abuser continues to brainwash the victim and gains complete control over the relationship. It reaches the point where the victim begins to believe that she/he is responsible for initiating the abuse instead of the other way round. It sets in motion a destructive cycle of abuse and guilt.

Victims in such relationships may be in denial that they’re even experiencing any abuse. They can rationalize even the most abusive behavior as justified.

You don’t have to suffer in silence. Instead choose to live a happier and healthier life by learning to recognize the signs and patterns of an abusive relationship, so you can either leave or seek help.

Lookout for the following signs of abuse:

• Isolation – have you been asked to minimize or cut off ties with your family and friends? This is the abuser’s way of isolating you from your loved ones and making you completely dependent on him/her in an effort to gain complete control.
• Finances – are you dependent on your partner for every financial decision or do you have an equal say in financial matters in your relationship? Controlling money is probably the easiest way for the abuser to gain full control and cut off your financial freedom.
• Verbal/emotional abuse: are you being subjected to constant criticism for the smallest thing? Do you feel like you can never please your partner no matter how hard you try? Does the abuser hurl insults at you and call you mean names? Constant arguments over the smallest thing or nitpicking can be a sign of verbal abuse, which can erode your self-confidence and self-esteem.
• Physical abuse: has your partner struck in the heat of an argument? This may be the obvious form of abuse but there is so much shame and guilt felt by the victim that many of them never come forward and report the incidents until it is too late. Be careful “playing rough” in the bedroom. Sometimes these games can quickly escalate from “spicing up things” to outright physical abuse.   

There are many other forms of abuse that can take place in a bad relationship. The key to remember is if you suspect that there is abuse taking place in your relationship, seek help from friends and even professionals. Don’t be afraid to speak frankly about your suspicions and they can be witnesses if you ever need to report your case to the police. There are many free sources of advice and guidance available at your local women’s shelter or domestic violence center.

Seek immediate help if you suspect you’re being abused. Don’t be a silent victim of an abusive relationship.

Abusive relationship resources:

• Controlling & Abusive Relationships
• Domestic Violence and Abuse: Signs of Abuse and Abusive Relationships
• The National Domestic Violence Hotline
• T.E.A.R – Teens Experiencing Abusive Relationships

Books for help with abusive relationships:

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